I lost the mask that I used to wear.
It's the only mask I used wherever I go.
I thought it was over after 24 years of struggling making that.
It was my masterpiece.
I showed it to everyone. And they loved it.
I thought my nightmare was over.
I thought I finally found the real me.
No one can ever compare me with him.
No one.
I believe once the ghosts vanished in my head, I could start over.
I was wrong.
The seed that planted in me for so long.
It grows bigger than the tree at my home.
Only if I could take it down.
But I have no idea how to.
I tried to get it off my mind.
I tried to read, to write, to draw.
I even thought to smoke pipes instead of pine.
I even tried to wear different colour socks.
Even wish to go to work barefoot.
I tried to get a new comfort zone.
To think back, every year I spent trying to get a new hobby.
But I lost interest within few months.
I even struggling to write this now.
I wonder if I have to live like this if I don't to to make it stop.
Truth is I never want to die, I just hope I could reset.